5 On Your Side Sports Blog

By John Chandler

Every year, on the morning of January 1st, my waking thought is maybe this will be the year.

OK, that's not quite accurate. Usually, my first thought on New Year's Day has something to do with a splitting headache. But then, who says Cleveland's teams aren't to blame? I mean, think about it... what's the difference between a hangover and rooting for the Browns?

Don't both leave you feeling nauseaus?

Welcome to 2007, sports fans. I'll let you down easy: this will not be the year. Not for the Browns, who can't quite seem to climb the steps out of the cellar. Not for the Cavs, unless they learn that LeBron James cannot do everything. Not for the Indians, though they may be closer than you think.

Still, I can't sit here, in January, and predict with confidence than any of these teams will deserve a parade through Public Square in 2007.

I can, however, predict a few other things for the next year's local sports scene. So--with the help of Johnnie Carson's old character, Carnac The Magnificent--here goes... the envelopes, please.

(drumroll begins...)
ED McMAHON: Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest, that omnipotent master of the Post Master, and former draft specialist to Browns ex-GM Dwight Clark, Carnac the Magnificent. (applause)
Welcome once again, O Great Sage... I hold in my hand these envelopes.
No one knows the contents of these envelopes, but you. In your divine and mystical way, you will ascertain the answers to these questions having never seen them before.
CARNAC: I must have absolute silence...

(opening the first envelope)
ANSWER: Vested Interest.
QUESTION: What do you call the desire for Ohio State coach Jim Tressel to join the Browns?

ANSWER: All-State and Ohio State wide receivers.
QUESTION: Who are you in "good hands" with?

ANSWER: First Love.
QUESTION: The image Braylon Edwards sees when he looks in the mirror.

ANSWER: Wine Cellar.
QUESTION: Where the Browns will find themselves if they can't shut up and play.

ANSWER: Until he gets fired.
QUESTION: How long a Browns coach gets to blame the team's losing on Dwight Clark's drafts.
ANSWER: High Waters.
QUESTION: The direction of Cleveland State basketball under new coach Gary Waters.

ANSWER: The Rolling Stones and Cavs center Scot Pollard.
QUESTION: What are two things that can't get no action?

ANSWER: LeBron James and a Cavs playoff game.
QUESTION: What are nail-biters.?

ANSWER: Travis Hafner's swing or Breakfast at Denny's?
QUESTION: Which grand slam is better?

ANSWER: Fever Pitch.
QUESTION: An illness afflicting Indians fans, caused by watching Fausto Carmona in a save situation.

(opening the final envelope)
ANSWER: Aerosmith's first hit and Cleveland's 2007 sports scene.
QUESTION: What goes by the title Dream On?

(...mild applause)

Thanks Ed, Carnac... can I keep the cloak and turban? Sorry. No, I won't touch. Promise.

Anways, there you have it. A look at the local sports scene in 2007, through the mystical mind of Carnac The Magnificent. Ah, I can see the letdown now... and I can only hope I'm wrong.

It has happened before, you know.

Cleveland, any predictions for the new sports year? Send them to 5sports@newsnet5.com and we'll post them. And remember to throw your two cents into the Alltel SoundOff on Sports Sunday.